I'm eating all of the evidence.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
