She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
