It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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