Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
