so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
