census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
operation harelip BJ is a go
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
