Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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