I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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