did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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