you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
