3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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