dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
