Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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