What did we do last night that was yellow?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
