Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
