Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
