Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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