I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
