I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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