I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
