i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
