so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
