Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
