UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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