Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's the barista slut.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
