he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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