I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
