I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
