My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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