And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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