I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
