wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
