I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
