She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Two words: nipple clamps
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