The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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