um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
