I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
