i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize