evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
