so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
