his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i drank out of a bidet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
