I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
