did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
