i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
whose parrot is this?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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