So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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