I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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