On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
