Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
