my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
