So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
