i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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