Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
