Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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