what day is it and did you see me today?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
