Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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