Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
