I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
