eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
