Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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