There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
