I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
