do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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