when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize