He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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