Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
