she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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