I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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