can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
