Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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