I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
