what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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