Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
