i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
